The do’s and don’ts of marriage

Amanda Voye
Sat, 20 Nov 2010 01:50:43 +0000
Health, Sex & Relationships, Spotlight, Voye, Young Marriage

Two marriage counselors share tips on what to do (and not do) in order to have a successful marriage.

1. DO talk, talk, talk. Communication is one of the most important aspects of any successful relationship. If something is bothering you, discuss it with your partner. Remember, though, that communication isn’t all about problems. Celebrate, too. When your partner or fiancé does something sweet or thoughtful, let him or her know you appreciate it.

2. DO pre-marital counseling. Many couples enter marriage in a blissful haze and only see a counselor after the wedding, when problems have escalated. Before you walk down the aisle, it’s important to talk about topics that can be major points of contention: finances, careers, religious beliefs, sex, whether you want to have children, communication styles and household chores, to name a few. A pre-marital counselor can help couples figure out what they need to talk about and help them broach potentially difficult topics. Discussing these issues before the wedding can help prevent future conflicts.

3. DON’T hate on your fiancé’s family. It’s important to get to know your in-laws before the wedding. Research shows that when two families get along well, the couple is more likely to stay together.

4. DON’T get married for the wrong reasons. You should get married because you enjoy each other’s company, you have common interests and values, and you communicate effectively. Don’t get married because your parents want you to, your partner is pressuring you, all your friends are married or because you think marriage will bring you happiness.

5. DO marry your best friend. A marriage needs more than just love; it should be based on friendship. Your fiancé should be your best friend, and vice versa.

6. DO trust each other. Trust is a key component to any healthy relationship. Without trust, a relationship won’t survive, much less a marriage.

7. DO focus on making yourself happy. Marriage won’t make you happy. Happy people make a happy marriage.

Meet the expert sources: Chris Quinn is a licensed marriage and family therapist who practices at First Settlement Counseling in Madison, Wis. Dr. Dave Minden runs his own psychology practice in Madison, Wis.